All About Humans
by HighOnCookies
Summary: Pansage and Axew have a talk about their trainers, movies, romance and babies...and, yeah, Ash gets a mention or three. Short and silly, not serious at all. Wishfulshipping from the Pokemon's POV


**All I'll say about this one is that I was watching _Lady and the Tramp_ when inspiration hit. And when inspiration hits, it hits _hard_, and it tends to hit you in the face.**

**I was trying to come up with something for the Wishfulshipping community anyway, so when I started this, I decided I wanted to write their Pokémon's view on it. That being said, most dialogue will be written _-like this-_ so I don't have to write it all in Pokémon-speak. It's short, but I think it's funny, and I hope you will, too.**

**And now, I'd like you to enter a creative disclaimer of your choice right...**

**...here.**

* * *

><p>The day had started out so perfect, as these things tended to go, with the three trainers setting up for their lunch break by a perfect little river, sparkling in the afternoon sun, with Cilan cooking the perfect little fruits that Iris had found into perfect little fruit...things.<p>

And then, like all perfect things did, it came to a sudden end.

It had been Axew, watching a pair of Timburr screwing around and whacking each other with their logs, that ruined it for poor little Pansage. With no prompt at all, he turned, bright red eyes lit with curiosity, and asked, _"Do we Pokémon lay eggs, or do they magically fall from the sky already containing the young?"_

Now, this was a very difficult question for Pansage. Most Pokémon didn't find out the answer to that question until they'd mated, or at least witnessed other Pokémon mating(that tended to happen in the day cares), and Pansage hadn't. So he looked at Pikachu for help.

Some help - all the yellow rodent did was shrug his shoulders and offer a slight "Chu." Which, loosely translated, meant _"I don't know, either."_

Oh, well. _"I'm sorry. I can't answer that question."_

_"You can't?"_ Axew hung his head. _"I guess I shouldn't have asked."_

The day almost returned to normal. Almost. Then...

_"Hey, Pansage? How much do you know about humans?"_

Pansage checked for any sign of a question about human reproduction, and, sensing none, finally replied with, _"Enough, I suppose. What do you want to know?"_

Axew tilted his head in his trainer's direction. She was hovering over Cilan's shoulder as he cooked, but, Pansage noticed with some amusement, he didn't seem to mind it like he had back in Striaton City, where every so often a fangirl would find her way into the kitchen and get shooed out almost before the object(s) of her affection noticed she was there. Of course, this wasn't a restaurant kitchen, and that probably had something to do with it. But still, Cilan never let Ash be the taste tester...

_"Do you know what that's about?"_

Pansage couldn't help the evil grin that spread across his face. He was going to have a lot of fun with his trainer tonight, that was for sure. _"Axew," _he said slowly, _"if I'm not mistaken, this is the beginning of the human's courtship ritual."_

Axew made a little noise, taking a step back as the thought registered with him. _"**Seriously?** That's how humans decide to mate? The male lets the female have the first taste of the food? Weird."_

_"Well, by human standards, they're far too young to actually **mate**, but, yeah, I think that's how it starts."_

He was unable to continue that day, however, since the trainers and Pokémon were called to eat, and Axew was distracted by the bowl of food placed in front of him.

(scene change)

It was just a few short days later, while their trainers were asleep, that Axew cornered Pansage again, this time to ask just how much he knew about the human courtship ritual, how he knew so much, and if certain things he'd noticed their trainers doing were part of it. Pansage tried to be patient. After all, Axew was young, and curiosity was a natural thing. Especially when it came to the mysterious creatures known as humans.

But it could still get irritating, especially when the young one wouldn't let you sleep.

_"Can't you ask Excadrill or something?"_

Axew hung his head. _"I just want to know how you know so much, that's all. Besides, Excadrill would just ignore me, or shoo me away and tell me to bother someone else."_

_"Good point," _Pansage sighed. _"I watched some television back home. There were movies that had stuff like this in it, and toward the end the humans sometimes mated and had a baby. Ok?"_

Axew blinked. _"What's a baby?"_

_"It's a strange creature, incapable of doing much, that's kind of like the pre-evolved form of a human."_

_"I thought Ash was the pre-evolved form of a human."_

It was all the grass monkey could do to keep from laughing. _"No. He can walk on two legs, speak human language, __and use pokemon in battle. He is evolved. If he realizes it or not is an entirely different story."_

Axew looked somewhat satisfied with this answer, but pointed at the pair of humans. They were facing each other as they slept, very close together and fingers inches apart, giving the impression that they'd fallen asleep holding hands. Ash was on the other side of the campfire, away from the bubble of peace and harmony that surrounded the other two. _"Did that happen in the movies?"_

Pansage gave Axew a look. _"I doubt they're going to breed, Axew."_

_"I know, you said they're too young, but I haven't seen much."_

_"Neither have I, really. Just a few comedies that Cilan and his brothers turned on when they closed the gym for the day."_ He looked again, falling silent as Iris moved, thinking she was waking up. _"It's late. We should sleep."_

_"You're not my trainer,"_ Axew huffed, but climbed into Iris's sleeping bag anyway. Pansage returned to Cilan's side to sleep...but not before picking up the Connoisseur's arm and placing it around Iris, where he knew it belonged.

(scene change)

Ash had woken up to find his friends like that, and was currently grumbling about being the 'third wheel' on the journey now. Pikachu had gone off to talk to him, leaving Iris and Cilan the only humans at the site...and since Axew had gone with Pikachu and all the others were in their balls, it left the two alone.

Iris was up in a tree, staring out at the path her friend and her Axew had gone. "I'm surprised Ash isn't here whining for breakfast."

Though he liked Ash, and he knew Iris did, too, Cilan couldn't stop his smile. "Well, the longer he's gone, the less he'll have to wait. If we start now, that is."

Iris hopped down from the tree. "Well, at least we're alone," she said happily, hugging him from behind.

"So that's why you allowed Axew to follow the 'child' and Pikachu. I was beginning to wonder."

Iris shrugged, arms stil wrapped around Cilan's stomach. "I trust Pikachu to look after him. Besides," she added, releasing him to help him dig for the ingredients for the pancakes she and Axew had insisted on, "it's not very often when we get quiet around here."

Cilan accepted her help, and the two were soon joined by Pikachu and Axew, who were, of course, followed by Ash. The boy plopped himself down on a chair, waiting for his friends to finish cooking.

"Aren't you guys done yet?" he called five minutes later, for what had to be the fifth time.

"Ash, stop whining or I'll hit you with Cilan's spatula!"

"Moving from insults to threats, Iris? I didn't know you liked me that much!"

"Iris, don't -"

_Whack._

As Iris handed the spatula back to her friend-slash-secret boyfriend, and Ash rubbed his newly received injury(it couldn't have hurt _that_ much, could it?) and muttered something about some girl named Misty, Axew decided he probably didn't want to know everything about humans, after all.

Which, of course, was perfectly all right with Pansage.


End file.
